Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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