she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
