i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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