so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
