No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
