Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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