No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
