the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
