I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
