I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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