it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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