Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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