I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize