I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
