I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
