when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
