I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
