Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
