the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Boobs are out for the taking
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
