she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Come on in and take your pants off
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