we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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