you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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