He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
