so that wasnt chicken after all
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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