I accidentally had phone sex last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
