drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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