I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
