ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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