I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
