Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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