the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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