So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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