dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
