Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
