You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
