I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
