So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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