I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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