literally had 100 drinks last night.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
