Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
