2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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