I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
