the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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