hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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