It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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