I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
