he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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