i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
