Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
