Small penises have feelings too.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
