she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
