I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
