I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
