I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
