lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
