I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
