i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
