Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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