my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
