I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
