So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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