He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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