the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This is my gift to your gina
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
