u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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