So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
