I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
