In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
