I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize