She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
