i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize