Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
