my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
