I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
