I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
