If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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