dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
