Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize