i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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