I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
