did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
