He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
